You shouldn’t live in a house if you don’t have to. I’m this close to moving out of my apartment. And with the mini blackout that’s affected Queens, it’s made me realize how little I truly need an apartment. I just need a place to crash.
There should be blackouts every once and awhile. It focuses you. I’m so not thinking about Suri Cruise right now. I’m totally in the moment, thinking about the small list of people who would let me crash at their respective homes, and most of them are fellow comedians; they are practically homeless themselves.
I can stay at Starbucks forever. Open 24 hours.
I can practically live in there when the going gets tough. The rent: a Grande Mocha latte. Best deal in the city. Prime muthafukkin real estate. A lot of annoying wannabes to deal with, but no worse than jerk off roommates who are disgusting pigs. Here’s my new pad.
I got everything I need on my laptop. News, porn, movies, music, porn, comedy, porn. All here on my machine. I can still watch Lost (thank you ITunes). What else do I need? Oh yeah, a gym membership to shower and masturbate. I’m gonna get in shape! Homelessness is nature’s way! You eat healthier, because fruits and veggies are less expensive, and you stay in shape moving around. Seriously, bums are in great shape, save the tuberculosis.
What’s the downside? None! Who cares about sleeping in my car? I sleep on a fucking futon, the worst fucking invention ever; stupid Japanese with their dumb crap, here is some other useless Japanese stuff:
Subway chin strap
Why does Japanese stuff involve pain and humiliation?
Check this one out, good for those late night bukkake sessions:
Stick to the computers guys!
Anyway, my beetle is paradise compared to a fucking futon, do you know how embarrassing it is to bring a girl over, and then have to pull out a mattress? What a douche. Without my dumb apartment, I will be saving 925 bucks a month. Ha, NOW you agree with me. Hypocrites. See, if a girl fancies me for the night, I can afford a nice hotel in the city. See, the ladies are already lining up! You thought it was inconvenient and sad for me not having a pad, now you’re thinking a night at the Waldorf may not be such a bad idea.
There should be blackouts every once and awhile. It focuses you. I’m so not thinking about Suri Cruise right now. I’m totally in the moment, thinking about the small list of people who would let me crash at their respective homes, and most of them are fellow comedians; they are practically homeless themselves.
I can stay at Starbucks forever. Open 24 hours.
I can practically live in there when the going gets tough. The rent: a Grande Mocha latte. Best deal in the city. Prime muthafukkin real estate. A lot of annoying wannabes to deal with, but no worse than jerk off roommates who are disgusting pigs. Here’s my new pad.
I got everything I need on my laptop. News, porn, movies, music, porn, comedy, porn. All here on my machine. I can still watch Lost (thank you ITunes). What else do I need? Oh yeah, a gym membership to shower and masturbate. I’m gonna get in shape! Homelessness is nature’s way! You eat healthier, because fruits and veggies are less expensive, and you stay in shape moving around. Seriously, bums are in great shape, save the tuberculosis.
What’s the downside? None! Who cares about sleeping in my car? I sleep on a fucking futon, the worst fucking invention ever; stupid Japanese with their dumb crap, here is some other useless Japanese stuff:
Subway chin strap
Why does Japanese stuff involve pain and humiliation?
Check this one out, good for those late night bukkake sessions:
Stick to the computers guys!
Anyway, my beetle is paradise compared to a fucking futon, do you know how embarrassing it is to bring a girl over, and then have to pull out a mattress? What a douche. Without my dumb apartment, I will be saving 925 bucks a month. Ha, NOW you agree with me. Hypocrites. See, if a girl fancies me for the night, I can afford a nice hotel in the city. See, the ladies are already lining up! You thought it was inconvenient and sad for me not having a pad, now you’re thinking a night at the Waldorf may not be such a bad idea.
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